Every day, parents unknowingly clip their child’s wings. They don’t set out to do it, but inevitably they do it in small ways that they are not even aware of. And the result? Children who don’t have the desire or strength to take on challenges and risks, and venture out on their own.
As I look back over 36 years of being a parent, I can clearly remember times when I clipped my child’s wings. Thankfully, I realized my mistakes and was able to break that habit. Not saying it was easy, or that it was a fast process. No, it’s a journey that every parent must go on to help their child really grow up.
As you make parenting decisions every day, here are some ways that you can parent so that you are not clipping your child’s wings.
Let your child try new things and take risks.
I’ve worked with many parents who already have an idea of who their child should be before they enter kindergarten. Whether it’s a musician, an athlete, or a stellar student, these parents have mentally mapped out their child’s path.
But what if your child wants to try something new? Something you haven’t considered? Something that is not part of your plan? For instance, they want to play sports instead of the piano, or they want to join a computer club instead of playing t-ball. When you say no to these things because it doesn’t fit the agenda you have for them, you are clipping their wings.
What if they want to take a risk (as long as it’s safe) and do something that you think might not be comfortable for them or something that is a little bit scary? Maybe they want to try a new sport they’ve never played and you’re worried they will be embarrassed or that they will hurt themselves. Or perhaps they have a physical condition like asthma that holds YOU back, but does not hold them back. They want to go play soccer and you are worried that they will have an asthma attack.
I know this is a temptation that my son and his wife will face. My one-year-old grandson was diagnosed at birth with cystic fibrosis, a disease that causes thick, sticky mucus to build up in the lungs, digestive tract, and other areas of the body. They may want to keep him “bubble-wrapped” so that he doesn’t get sick or over-exerted. It may feel risky to them to even put him in school around other kids, or to let him play sports, but the honest truth is that these things are good for him, and the experts will tell them that. Still….there will be the fears nagging at the back of their minds.
Your fears, as a parent can cause you to do wing-clipping, even when you are not aware of it.
Let your child make mistakes.
It’s definitely not fun watching your kids make mistakes and fail at something. But those are the very lessons that will help our kids grow strong and fly on their own. The more you try to fix your child’s problems, the less they learn on their own and the more they will hesitate to fly and become independent people.
I doubt too many parents want to keep their kids dependent on them as they grow up and go off to college and even beyond, but many of those same parents are unknowingly nurturing their child’s dependence on them because they are always stepping in to interfere in their child’s growing up process.
Give your child roots.
The journey of giving your child wings actually begins with you giving them roots. Roots allow a child to develop wings because they nurture a child who feels secure and safe enough to explore their world. So instead of filling their minds with all that is wrong or that could go wrong, teach them instead to have values, and most importantly raise them in a home where they know they are unconditionally loved. THAT is how you give your child roots.
As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the habit of clipping your child’s wings so that they can stay your sweet little “baby” just a while longer or so that you can feel like you still have some control over their lives. Allowing your kids to grow takes courage for child AND parent. Be happy for them as they fly! It is painful, but letting go will result in what you really want–children who become adults that fly as high as God allows them, even when you are not around.
“Good parents give their children roots and wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught them.” — Jonas Salk
Struggling to let go? Schedule a free intro call with me here.
