What parenting problems are you facing right now? And what are you doing to fix those problems?
According to VeryWellFamily.com, one of the top common parenting mistakes is neglecting to fix problems. Many parents instead ignore issues, delay responding to issues, or minimize issues. Sometimes parents think that a problem is not fixable and that they just need to learn to live with it, whether it’s backtalk, teeth brushing battles, or temper tantrums. They acquiesce to the philosophy that “this too shall pass.” While I did repeat that to myself as a parent often to remind myself that seasons pass, it should not serve as an excuse to sweep problems under the rug that should be addressed.
Ask yourself these questions when you face problems with your kids:
Is this a pattern of behavior or a rare occurrence? A pattern of behavior may require a different response from you than a rare infraction.
Does my child know and understand boundaries and the consequences of crossing those boundaries? If not, back up and take the time to establish boundaries and consequences with your kids.
Has my child been acting unusual or exhibiting behavior that are out of character for them? If so, there could be other things going on in your child’s life and mind that are affecting your child’s mental health. For instance, their grades may have suddenly spiraled downward with no explanation, or maybe they are suddenly spending more time in their room alone. Please do not ignore this or excuse it as “he’s just being a teenager.” There is always a reason why. According to the CDC, A 2022 study found that 21.8% of children in the US between the ages of 3 and 17 have at least one mental, emotional or behavioral health condition.
Is my child hurting themselves or anyone else? If their behavior is not safe or if it hurts or harms another, then do not ignore or excuse it. Don’t back off because you want your child to learn to express their feelings or emotions. If they are struggling to control their anger, focus on teaching them healthy ways to deal with their anger.
What does my child need to learn about facing this situation and what’s the best way for me to help them learn it? Hopefully as parents your goal is to raise independent, honest, compassionate adults who can fend for themselves and be kind to others in the process. In order to do this, you cannot just tolerate or ignore problem behaviors. You must face them with the long-term goal in mind and that means teaching and guiding them, instead of simply punishing them. Dealing with the problem doesn’t just mean punishing them, it means that you must think through what will help your child learn and grow to become that independent and kind adult.
Do I need help with these problems? If you are not solving them on your own, then the answer to that question is YES! Don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help. Ask a mentor, wise friend or family member. Research or seek wisdom from books, blogs, or podcasts. Talk to your pediatrician or another healthcare professional. Find a parenting coach like me or a counselor who can help you find solutions. I had a client who found me online a few months ago and after several months of coaching has had huge shifts in their parenting approach. Every time we meet, we discuss problems and issues they face and we talk about solutions. They are parenting more effectively and with less stress. The effort you take to learn to address problems will always be worth it!
If you would like help with a problem you face in your parenting, please schedule a free intro call with me. I would love to help you.
