When it comes to kids, there will always be food battles. How much to eat, what to eat, and when to eat–these are areas of contention in many homes, from pre-toddler years all the way through high school. Although this is a common problem, many parents are at a loss on how to cut down on those battles.
When we think of the word “battle,” we conclude that there is a winner and a loser. And as parents, we are determined to win the food war because, after all, we want our kids to be healthy. But perhaps the best way to start winning those “food battles” is to stop thinking of them as battles and start thinking of them as opportunities to train children to have healthy eating habits. Here are some suggestions to help you and your children reframe the food battle issues in your home.
Let’s start with toddlers. Their calorie needs may be often lower than you realize. Ask your pediatrician what their intake should be and also check out what the National Library of Medicine says. Understanding what their needs really are will help you get a good picture of what your child needs each day. Don’t fight with your toddler about food. A healthy child has an instinct on how much to eat. If they don’t finish food on their plate,let it go. They won’t starve.
Give your child choices. Give your child the opportunity to make choices from the foods you provide. The key here is that YOU provide those healthy choices. Try to always offer choices, knowing that both alternatives are acceptable to you.
I had a sign hanging in my kitchen when my kids were growing up that said, “This is not Burger King, you will have it my way.” And another that said, “You have two choices for dinner: take it or leave it.” Those were my light-hearted ways of saying, “I will provide you with food options, but I am not going to scramble around the kitchen making a whole different dinner for you just because I’m not fixing your favorite food.” It means that you make at least some foods you know they like so you know they will at least eat something healthy, even if it’s not every single thing on their plate.
Just taste it. If you are serving a new food or one that your child doesn’t love, encourage them to take one bite. If they don’t like it, they can stop. No need to push the plate (pardon the pun!) You can tell them that it’s okay if they don’t like it and maybe their taste buds will learn to like it eventually. If your child gags on the food or strongly resists, then let it go. You can try again at another time. No food is worth World War 3.
Unfortunately, my mom raised me to be a member of the “clean plate club” and I made the mistake of trying that with my kids. I knew her intentions were to get me to eat all my vegetables and eat enough food, but the clean-plate-club idea does not really promote a healthy relationship with food. It always led to stand-offs. I remember being made to sit at the table until I gagged down all my peas and then doing that very same thing to my own kids until I realized how unproductive it was. Quite honestly, I’m sorry that I tried it at all.
Try and try again. If your child rejects a new food, don’t give up on it the first time. It may take 5, 6 or even 10 times before they decide to eat it. Some experts have concluded that aquiring a taste for a food can take 16-20 attempts. I know for a fact that for me, this was true when it came to sweet potatoes. The more I eat them, the more I like them! The same with asparagus and brussel sprouts. Those were not foods I automatically enjoyed, but I continued to give them a try and they did grow on me.
Eat meals together. Family mealtimes are so important and even if you can’t have them every night, aim for at least 3 or 4 a week. Use them as opportunities to have quality time with your kids, no phones allowed. Try weekly rituals like Taco Tuesday or make-your-own-pizza night to give your kids something to anticipate. You might even let your kids make a request for a meal and then get them involved in helping prepare it.
Remember the big picture. Is your child growing? Do they have enough energy? Am I serving a good variety of healthy foods? If the answer is yes to all those questions, then you can stress less about your child’s intake at each individual meal.
Consistency is key. Children need structure, so having good food choices for all three meals of the day, as well as snacks, is important. Of course, meals may vary depending on your schedule, but when it’s within your power, stay consistent with mealtimes. This helps them learn to regulate their own food intake.
Don’t label your kids. My child is such a picky eater! How many times do you hear that? If your child doesn’t like something, it doesn’t mean they are picky or bad, it just means that their taste buds haven’t learned to like it yet, and this is normal for small kids. Try not to make them feel like they are doing something wrong or are being difficult just because they don’t like something YET.
Give yourself some grace. There will be days when mealtimes don’t go well. Your child may not want to eat and you feel frustrated. Hide that irritation and try again another day.
Giving your child a healthy view of eating and food is so important in the process of helping them become adults who have a good relationship with food. Way too many kids grow up with eating disorders, and some of that could be avoided if we start giving them a better perspective on eating when they are small. Avoiding food battles will help them shape a healthier view of food.
If you are struggling with any part of parenting, please reach out for a free intro call. I’d love to help.
