Do you have a hard time saying NO to people? To volunteering? To doing things with and for your kids when you know you don’t really have the time or energy, but you just can’t form the letters N.O. because you are afraid to disappoint others or even have some form of FOMO?

Parents are busy people. Work, kids, house, friends, obligations, and if you’re lucky, a sliver of me-time. But busy-ness is not a disease; it is a choice. You CAN say No; it’s just a matter of knowing when is the right time to say Yes, or turn down the request.

When Should You Say NO?

You should say No if…

• You don’t have time to relax with and enjoy being together as a family
• You haven’t had a solid night’s sleep in a while because you can’t get to bed early enough and thus you are always tired
• You are distracted from focusing on the people you love
• You can’t remember the last time you had some time for yourself
• You haven’t had a date with your spouse for months or a “date” with a close friend

WHY Should You Say No?

If you struggle with when to say no to people or opportunities, the first place to start is by not saying YES right away. You don’t have to give an instant answer when someone asks you to do something. Rather than say YES impulsively, start giving yourself some time to respond. Tell the person asking that you will think about it and get back to them.

That’s a whole mindset shift for a lot of folks who rarely stop to weigh pros and cons or who have just gotten into the bad habit of always saying yes. If you can train yourself to not automatically say yes, you will give yourself time to really be picky about your yes’s.

In that time of deciding whether to say YES or NO, ask yourself some questions that will force you to really think it through:

Am I saying YES out of guilt? if so, then it’s better to say NO.

Is saying YES going to negatively impact anyone in my family? You can’t always avoid doing this, but it is definitely worth your consideration. If saying yes to something will pull you away from your children and spouse and cause damage to your family relationships or have a negative impact on your spouse or children, then you should say NO. This is a hard one to swallow for parents who have dreams they want to follow, but sometimes those dreams have to be put on hold or pushed aside for awhile. The health and wellbeing of your family must come first. You will have time later to follow personal dreams. And believe me, raising kids that become adults that you enjoy being with is truly a dream come true!

Does this YES align with my core values as a person? If you haven’t established your personal or even your family core values, this is a good time to do that. Those values will help guide you in your decisions.

Am I saying YES because I want the approval of others? If you are worried about what others think, are trying to maintain a certain image, or have a need to be a people-pleaser, your No’s may be few and far between. You cannot live your life to please others because there will always be someone who is disappointed.

Am I saying YES because I’ve thought this through? I know that I’m doing it for the right reasons, not just to assuage guilt or look good in front of others. I’m doing it because it aligns with my core values and what’s important to me.

How to Say NO

Once you’ve decided that NO is the right answer, communicate it politely and clearly.

• “I’m sorry I can’t.”
• No need to be defensive; just be matter-of-fact and firm.
• Explaining why may help the person accept it better, even if it’s just a simple, “I don’t have room in my schedule.”
• You can make suggestions for other options, even if you can’t do it.
• Don’t lie about your reasons. You can be vague, but you don’t need to be dishonest.

Please start thinking twice before saying YES to everything. Resist the temptation to take on extra at your workplace or volunteer for everything that comes up. Your kids don’t need you to, your spouse doesn’t need you to, and YOU don’t need to always say YES. There is a time and a place for NO’s in your life! You will never regret spending more time with your kids.

If you struggle with this, I’m a parenting coach and can help. Please schedule a free intro call here.