You can say all the right words to your child and those words are important, but your actions prove more about who you are. Your actions will shout louder than any words you may say. Your actions will tell your child everything they need to know about who you are and what you believe.

Yes, your words are impactful; they affect your child’s self-esteem and feelings of security. That is not news to parents; we all know how important our words are.

But your children are watching more than they are listening and your actions will have the final say in what they are learning from you. Perhaps you have not really thought about the impact of your actions, but there are some things you might be doing that are actually nullifying what you say to your child. Those actions could be pushing your child away from you or causing them to not believe what you say.

When it comes to parenting, the “do as I say, not as I do” strategy just doesn’t work. Your behavior must be consistent with what you say.

I’d like to highlight a few specific behaviors that might be hindering your credibility with your child:

Keeping or Not keeping your word.

Is your word gold? Do your children know that when you say you will be at their game or recital, that you will be there? Do they trust that when you say you are taking the afternoon off to spend time with them, that you will follow through with your plans?

Your good intentions alone will not help you connect with your child and earn their trust. Be a parent of their word. If something unforeseen comes up, communicate clearly and promptly to your child; they will forgive you if you don’t make a habit of it.

Dishonesty and Integrity.

Do your kids witness you lying to clerks, bosses, neighbors or other family members? If so, they will quickly learn that lying is acceptable behavior. Even if you think your white lies are justified, your child only sees the lie, not the reasoning or the justification for it.

Gossipping.

Talking down other people in front of your children teaches them that it’s okay not to respect others. This especially happens in the youth sports world when parents trash talk coaches, players and officials at home or in the car ride home.

Throughout my many years as a coach’s wife and sports mom, I saw many athletes who brought attitudes of disrespect for others into the game and I only had to look as far as their parents to see where they learned it.

Lack of Compassion and Generosity.

If you consistently ignore the shut-in down the street, the homeless person on the corner, or even the bigger needs you see during the holiday seasons, don’t expect that your children will grow up to be compassionate human beings.

They will follow your example of generosity. As you help neighbors, friends, the homeless in your community, or the needy at the shelter, you are showing them what true compassion looks like.

Ignoring the needy is easy to do when your schedule is crammed full of activities, but even your self-serving busy-ness sends a message to your kids: “I don’t have time to help others; I’m too busy getting my stuff done.”

Loving them with your time.

It’s important to say “I love you” frequently, but nothing speaks love louder to those we love than spending time with them.

It’s easy to give gifts, say nice things, do a little act of service, but quality time is the hardest to give because it demands the sacrifice of time–something that many busy parents are in short supply of.

If you truly want your children to believe that you love them, make it a priority to set aside consistent time to connect with them. That will say “I love you” loud and clear.

A very wise man named Martin Luther King Jr. saw the importance of the relationship between words and actions. He said this:

One of the great tragedies of life is that men seldom bridge the gulf between practice and profession, between doing and saying. On the one hand, we proudly profess certain sublime and noble principles, but on the other hand, we sadly practice the very antithesis of these principles. This strange dichotomy, this agonizing gulf between the ought and the is, represents the tragic theme of man’s earthly pilgrimage.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Becoming aware of this dichotomy between our actions and our words is the first step to becoming parents who live what they say. And the result of that is producing children who learn to do the same.

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