Parental stress is caused by many things, but one very big reason that parents feel stressed is that there are so many things to think about, so many decisions to be made, and so many questions to be answered throughout the course of one day.

Think about all the options: it starts with what to eat for breakfast, what to pack for lunch, what clothes to put on your kids, when and where to eat dinner, what to cook for dinner, when to do homework with the kids–and the list goes on and on. This does NOT include all the decisions you have to make at work or regarding your home, your marriage, and your extended family.

I’m going to share with you one simple tool that will help you cut back on stress. This tool is called ritualization, or habit-forming. Doing the same thing the same way every day makes it repeatable and easy to do. As it becomes a regular routine, it is one less thing to think about. Remembering the how and the why of those habits will keep them from becoming simply meaningless rituals.

I remember when my kids were very young, they were in a private school and wore uniforms. It made the morning routine so much easier because it was one less decision we had to make every day. That’s the purpose of daily rituals; they simplify our lives by saving us brain time and emotional energy. Reducing the number of decisions you make in a day frees brain space and leaves more room for the bigger decisions you must make.

As I work with parents who are struggling with behavioral issues with their kids, we often hone in on routines. One parent complained of chaotic mornings, another of bedtime struggles and still another of the chaos surrounding dinner and homework. I worked with each of them to help them establish a routine that the kids would settle into and that would make things less crazy for the parent. When everyone involved knows what to expect and what is expected, the routine becomes a way of life.

Now, I’m not saying that routines are established overnight. But once your child understands the routine and why it is important and once you commit yourself to following through with that routine–barring emergencies or unusual circumstances, which happen to everyone–that particular area of your life should settle down a bit. It will be one less decision that you will have to make and that is always a win for busy parents.

Forming a Routine

The biggest step in forming a routine is to decide to form a routine! Then…

• Decide what needs to be in your routine. If it’s a bedtime routine, what do you want to accomplish every night as your get your child ready for bed? What would you like the morning routine to look like? What is your goal for the afterschool routine?
• Post the routine if it is helpful for your kids. If they don’t read, post a picture of the task. Talk to your kids about the importance of the routine and what it looks like.
• Be patient with the adjustment period. New routines take time, but your consistency is key. If, for some reason, you can’t stick to the routine one night, explain this to your kids and tell them why you are doing so.
• Identify one area that would benefit from a routine. Work on that area until you and your child have it down comfortably. Then move on to another area. Don’t try to do too many changes all at once.

Are routines a lot of work? Yes, at first. But they are important for several reasons: they help children feel secure because of the predictability, they teach self-discipline and they help kids develop healthy habits. They also help parents by cutting back and hopefully eliminating power struggles and by cutting down on the decisions you must make.

Are you in need of routines to help you cut down on parental stress? I can work with you to make that happen. Please schedule a free intro call here.