Thirty years ago, I was in the trenches of parenting. My three kids were young and I was a busy, tired and sometimes overwhelmed mom.
As I work with parents today and help them meet the challenges they face, I can’t help but wonder: is parenting harder today than it was 30 years ago? Honestly, I don’t know if a comparison is fair or if it’s worthwhile. But perhaps we can examine what has changed and what hasn’t to get a better answer to that question.
What is new in parenting today?
The online world and phones.
When my kids were little nobody was attached to their cellphones or tablets. We weren’t scrolling social media, checking email, watching videos or texting during family time or meals. Perhaps it’s fair to say that we were forced to be more engaged with our children and our children were more engaged with us. Today, unfortunately, parents must contend with the influence of the internet and the distraction of cell phones.
This means that parents not only face the challenges of normal parenting, but they must also deal with the impact of the online world on their kids. And they must resist the temptation to consistently let devices become babysitters.
Safety.
The world has definitely become a more dangerous place. No longer can parents let their kids play outside for hours on end, exploring and playing for hours without checking in. There are just too many sick and evil people out there who want to traffic and harm children.
Higher Expectations.
Whether it’s in sports or in the classroom, the pressure on kids to perform earlier and better has definitely heated up. To make the team, your child may have to take lessons, go to clinics, and play travel sports. In addition, experts say that kindergarten is the new first grade.
It seems like there is less playing just for fun; instead it’s all structured. It seems like there is less free time for kids and more planned activities. Whether parents do this for their convenience or for fear of letting their kids be “bored,” it has resulted in kids feeling more pressured. As a result, parents who set unrealistic expectations for their children’s academic and athletic success can create stress, anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy. This heavier pressure has negatively impacted kids growing up.
Rising parental expectations and criticism are linked to an increase in perfectionism among college students, which can have damaging mental health consequences, according to new research published by the American Psychological Association. (American Psychological Association)
Information Overload.
Parentint today means that moms and dads have a world of information at their fingertips. Sometimes this is a good thing, but it can also have its drawbacks. Parents can feel overwhelmed and this can lead to uncertainty and anxiety, especially when they encounter conflicting information.
Less Margin.
Parents are busier than they were in the past, mostly because many of them are balancing a career and parenthood. This leaves less time to just enjoy family and to connect with your kids.
These changes in family life add to the already enormous challenges of parenting. But let’s flip the coin for a minute and look for what has NOT changed in parenting.
What Has NOT Changed in Parenting
Parents still get angry with their kids. Kids have been frustrating their parents since the beginning of time, and they continue to do so today. Sure, the reasons may differ, but the feelings of parental anger are still there and must be contained and controlled in a healthy way.
Kids will push buttons and push back. This has looked different in each generation. Maybe the “rebellion” years ago came in the form of actions like clothing choices, hairstyles, music preferences, and defiance against parental rules. Today, kids may push the plate in those same ways and add to that the problems of drugs, vaping, online bullying and challenges to authority. The actions are not the point; the point is that “kids will be kids” and will always seek for independence by pushing back against parents and other authorities.
Parents will still feel unprepared for the challenges they face. Kids are not born with a handbook and raising them is a test for every parent, no matter what the generation. Whether you were a parent in the 80s and 90s as I was or are a parent today in 2024, we have this in common: feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and uncertainty when it comes to raising our kids.
As a parenting coach, I’d like to offer you some tools that are timeless. Tools that are applicable to your parenting for years as your kids grow up. If you’d like to learn more about my Parenting Toolbelt, please schedule a free intro call here.
So, is parenting harder?
So, in answer to the question of “Is parenting harder today than it was 30 years ago?”, I’d say YES, and I’d also say NO. It’s harder because the dangers and pressures are greater on kids. But it’s not harder because we as parents will experience the timeless emotions of anger, helplessness and frustration, no matter what our kids are getting into. The next question for you as parents then is this: do you have the timeless tools you need to parent your kids through it all?
