Being a role model and walking the talk before your children is the single biggest thing you can do to influence who they become. I believe most parents know this and even believe it, but when the rubber meets the road, when real life challenges happen, being a role model can be much harder than we thought it would be.
Kids learn by watching you. As you seek to be the parent that is worth emulating, start by modeling positive behaviors in these areas:
Apologize when you make a mistake. This means saying “I’m sorry” to your children when you blow it and to others in your life. They are watching how you deal with your mistakes.
Tell the truth. If you want your children to learn honesty, you will have to start by being truthful yourself.
Treat others kindly and respectfully. Not just family and friends, but people who serve you, people who work for you, and even strangers.
Show affection to your spouse. Be a role model of what a healthy intimate relationship looks like.
Give your best effort. Let your child see you put forth your best effort in everything you do: at work, at home, when you volunteer, and those times when you may think no one is watching.
Live out your Faith. If you want your kids to have faith, you have to lead the way. Set the example in following the faith that you have chosen.
Prioritize Family. How you set your priorities for family time and how you treat family members will convey just how much value you place on family.
Value people over things. This one is subtle. We show what we value in little ways as well as big ways. What we spend our time and money on communicates very clearly whether people or things are more important to us.
Listening. How well do you listen to your children? Do you take time to hear them out before responding? Show them how to be a good and active listener.
The bottom line is this: your kids are always watching. They will become who YOU are and for some of us that is a scary thought! Of course, they can choose to do differently and sometimes that happens. But chances are must stronger that they will become the type of person they are because of what was modeled to them.
I know that I unknowingly modeled some negative attitudes and behaviors to my children. Sometimes these things are so subtle we don’t realize it. I sometimes modeled worry and fear. I sometimes modeled perfectionism or performance-based acceptance. I didn’t want to set those examples for my kids, but I know that I did because I’ve seen my grown children struggle with those very things.
Our kids are always watching, even when you and they don’t think they are. A daunting thought, but one that should always keep parents on their toes.
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