Protective parenting has a good and a not-so-good reputation. On one hand, parents love their children and will do everything they can to keep them safe, emotionally and physically. And on the other hand, parents go to the extreme and smother their children because they have a need to control.

Where’s the balance? How far should a parent go to be protective? Where do parents draw the line between protective in a healthy way and protective in a suffocating way? If this is something you wrestle with as parent, there are some thoughts to guide you:

Consider age appropriateness. What could be necessary for a young child might be considered overly protective for a teenager.

Allow some risks. Allowing your child to take small, manageable risks can build resilience and confidence.

Take into account their maturity level. Know your child’s capabilities and their decision-making skills when deciding how much you need to monitor them.

You might be overly protective if:

• You constantly oversee where they are and what they are doing (especially as they get older)
• You are making decisions for your child and not allowing them to choose things they are capable of choosing, like what to wear to school or what friend to meet with.
• You don’t let your child take reasonable risks and keep them “bubble wrapped”.
• You scare them into cooperating, by exaggerating possible danger or over-reacting to minor problems.
• You guilt your child into doing what you want, causing them anxiety or fear if they don’t.

Unfortunately, well-meaning parents who think they are simply protecting their kids when they are actually over-protectiving can cause more harm than good. It can result in kids who are entitled because Mom and Dad do everything for them, kids who are fearful of taking risks, or kids who are dishonest because they are secretly rebelling against the smothering. As one young teen put it: I get that my parents want to protect me, but being overprotective results in children who are really, really good at lying. That’s what happened with me.

If you’d like to find the Protective Parenting balance, keep up good communication with your child, set clear boundaries and consequences, encourage independence and reasonable risk-taking, and of course reach out for coaching or counseling if you need help. Schedule a free intro call with me if you’d like to have help with this.