Perhaps you don’t feel like yelling at your kids every day, but I would guess that most parents have the urge at least every now and then. It’s because kids are so good at pushing our buttons, doing what we don’t expect, and of course doing what we do expect but wish we didn’t.

Yelling at your kids has short-term benefits. It may initially scare them into cooperation, but when it becomes a habit, it can work the opposite. Children can become deaf to raised voices when it’s done frequently; at that point it can become mere noise to them.

When you feel the urge to yell, stop before you say something you don’t mean, something you regret or something that is falling on deaf ears. Try this anti-yelling strategy instead.

• Commit yourself to a no-yelling rule in your house. Every new habit or change begins with the commitment to do so.
• Give yourself a few minutes to calm down before addressing the situation. Tell your child you need a few minutes and they are to stop what they are doing; you will talk about it when you come out of your “time out”.
• In your “time out,” think about what your child needs to learn in this situation and how you can best help them learn it. Remember that your goal is not to punish them, but to discipline or teach them.
• Be sure you have clearly stated boundaries and consequences to your child so that when they cross those boundaries and you feel like yelling, you can fall back on calm instead. Calmly state the boundary they’ve crossed and remind them of the consequence that they’ve chosen to receive because they made the choice to cross the boundary.

Parents get angry because they feel they don’t have control, because they are tired and frustrated, and because in that moment, they do not know how best to respond, so they resort to yelling because it’s the thing that comes naturally. However, reactive parenting is less effective and more stressful. Reactive parenting does not always give the child what they truly need in that moment. Reactive parenting becomes a way for parents to vent and in that case it is not really parenting, it is simply letting off steam.

Yelling at children is not only less effective, it can also cause lasting psychological damage, like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or rejection. Yelling does not encourage listening, understanding or good communication. It may instead cause conflict to escalate and not help kids process what went wrong so they can learn from their mistakes.

Positive, calm and consistent communication is a more effective way to teach children and keep the parent/child relationship healthy and strong. If this is something you struggle with, please schedule a free intro call here. I have some tools to help you parent calmly and consistently.