High school parents take on the challenge of guiding their kids through the crossroads of life. Kids go from middle school into 9th grade at the start of a season when they are growing more and more independent. They end up ready to take on the world away from home four years later. In the midst of the battle for independence, they are still in need of guidance, love, support and boundaries by parents. This is not the time to disengage, parents. It’s time to engage in a very intentional way.
Stay Involved, But Also Take a Step Back
Independence does not happen overnight. It is a gradual process and as you encourage it in your child, it’s important that you will remain available and interested. Let your teen make choices and be there to guide when needed.
Keep Communicating
If your teen is not talking much to you, now is not the time to give up on them and just throw in the communication towel. Continue asking open-ended questions, listen without judgement, and choose your words wisely. Your child needs to know that no matter what they do, that you will always listen and guide in a loving way.
Stay Involved in Their School Life
Know their schedule, stay informed of major assignments and discuss academic goals with your high schooler. Stay in touch with their teachers and use school portals. It’s okay if your kids know that you are checking up on them; it could keep them on their academic toes.
Keep Structure
Healthy routines are important even for teens. Encourage them to get enough sleep, eat regular and healthy meals, exercise and limit screen time. They will resist and complain, but don’t let that deter you from it; they need it to thrive.
Teach Time Management
Without scheduling their time for them, help them learn the importance of balancing school, activities and downtime. This requires good conversations and you modeling time management in front of them.
Discuss the Future
Ninth grade is not too early to begin discussing college especially if your child desires to play a sport post high school. But even if they don’t, help them understand their options; whether it’s college, trades, gap years or working, be supportive and realistic.
Pay Attention to Mental Health
Notice mood changes, social withdrawal or signs of stress. Consider getting trained in mental health first aid so that you can recognize warning signs, both pre-crisis and crisis. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if it is needed. Know the difference between common teen behaviors and behaviors that are a cry for help.
Let Them Learn Resilience
Resilience is one of the strongest weapons that your child has for fighting poor mental health. You can help them learn by allowing them to experience and learn from failures. Focus on effort, not just the end result. Stop fixing things for them so that they can learn to recover from setbacks and mistakes.
Know Their Friends
Stay connected with their friends; know who they are and what they do online and offline. Encourage them to have positive and healthy relationships. Talk about what it means to have and be a good friend. You may be accused of being “nosy,” but if your interest is loving and sincere, they will hopefully understand that you are doing this because you love them.
Model Good Examples
Modeling those traits you want to see develop in your kids is a must if you want to see them grow into adults that can handle stress, maintain balance, treat others respectfully, resolve conflict, and live with integrity. Kids are quick to point out hypocrisy and they will keep mental notes of yours.
Being a parent to high schoolers is a roller coaster ride: you can be extremely joyful and proud of their accomplishments one moment and frustrated at their poor choices the next. It’s a journey of constantly learning to adjust, walking the line between stepping in and letting go, knowing when to offer advice and when to let them learn on their own.
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