Middle school parents know that the years of grades 6-8 are like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, and at times exciting. Middle school has also been likened to a place that has many tunnels, often underground. In the midst of these tumultuous years, it’s important to remember that middle school is a journey, not a destination. It’s a very important season of your child’s growing up. Now is not the time to back off or even give up because you think your child is impossible. No, now is the time to fasten your seat belt and get ready for a crazy ride. These tips will help you navigate the middle school turbulence:
Stay involved, but not TOO much
MIddle schoolers want independence, but they still need your guidance. It’s important for you to stay informed about school activities and progress, but allow them to manage their homework and projects without your help. Step in only if needed.
Let your child learn to speak up for themselves, whether it’s asking the teaching for help in the classroom or talking to the coach about their playing time. You can coach them at home on how they can talk to a teacher or coach, but let them do the talking.
Encourage good study habits and organization
Help your child develop a system for organizing homework assignments and deadlines. Introduce them to a planner or digital calendar. Set up a consistent, distraction-free homework place and routine. If they are struggling, help them break down big assignments into smaller steps.
Keep working on communication
Keep open lines of communication without interrogating them. Instead of the expected “how was your day” question, try “what was the best part of your day?” or “what did you do that was new or fun today?” Create a safe space for your child so they feel comfortable sharing without fear of judgment or criticism. Keeping communication lines open also means you being a good listener who does not jump in to critique or judge your child’s comments.
Monitor technology use
Teach your kids digital responsibility early. Set screen time limits, monitor their online activity and encourage them to have face-to-face interactions. Social media should not be their “socialization.” While social media can offer a few benefits like staying connected with peers and exploring interests, it also carries risks including mental health impacts, cyberbullying, and exposure to harmful content. Honestly, at this age, there are more cons than pros.
Encourage exploration
Whether it’s sports or hobbies, encourage your middle schoolers to participate in a variety of extra curricular activities. This is not the time to begin sports specialization. This is the time to let them spread their wings and try new things, discover new interests and set out on new adventures, often with you by their side adventuring with them.
Support their social skills development
Middle schoolers can be socially awkward. Help them navigate friendships, deal with peer pressure and practice empathy. Give them opportunities to interact with safe adults so they know how to converse with grown-ups. As parents, this means that you must be intentional about spending quality time with your middle schooler and creating space for good conversations to happen.
Partner with teachers
Attend conferences, check school portals, and reach out to teachers if you sense problems arising. Even though your child is older and may roll their eyes at your interest and school involvement, this is not a reason for you to back off from being involved as an parent. Your partnership with the school makes a big difference.
Understand and learn from mistakes
Middle school is a good time to “practice failing safely.” If they fail a test or forget to do their homework, lead them to recover and bounce back. Failure is only really failure if your child does not learn from it. It’s important that you do not pounce or harp on their mistakes, but talk through the issues with them and help them see what they can do differently next time.
Confront peer pressure
As your child grows, peer pressure will get stronger. Your child will learn to resist it as they feel secure in who they are. They become secure in who they are because of how they are supported and loved unconditionally. Setting boundaries also gives them a sense of security because they know what to expect.
One way to counteract peer pressure is to make your house a place where their friends want to hang out. Make sure they feel welcome and have plenty of snacking food on hand! This gives you an opportunity build relationships with your child’s friends and influence them. We tried to do this in our home and now that our kids are adults, we’ve heard from several of their friends about the infliuence that our home and family had on them. Encourage your child to engage in this reverse peer pressure!
“One day middle school will end and become high school and after that it just becomes life. All those things you think are important now won’t be anymore.” Wise words from Diary of a Wimpy Kid and a good reminder that middle school is merely a part of the growing-to-adulthood process. Pay attention, parents and use this season wisely.
If you’d like help with parenting, schedule a free intro call here.
