For the sake of everyone that knows your kids, please keep them from entitlement.
Entitlement is evident in the belief that one person deserves special privileges without earning them. Adults complain a lot these days about the entitlement of the younger generation which is most evident in areas where personal expectations clash with norms, rules of even the needs of others.
Entitlement rears its ugly head in relationships when one person expects another to fulfill their every need, when someone expects financial or emotional support without giving anything in return, or when one friend expects another friend to constantly drop everything to meet their needs.
Entitlement is apparent in the workplace where someone expects special treatment, believing the rules do not apply to them. Or maybe they assume they deserve rewards or promotions based on something other than performance or merit.
We see entitlement in social settings where people cut in line, treat service workers or staff poorly, or disregard the comfort and needs of others in public spaces.
Entitlement is a result of several things: childhood experiences, personality traits and the influence of society. Much of it is also caused by overindulgent parenting or a lack of boundaries. As the parent, you have the most influence in helping your child not become someone who demands more and appreciates less.
I believe that in today’s society, parents daily fight entitlement because your kids are surrounded by messages feeding their expectation of personal rights. Movies and shows emphasize privilege, social media feeds the need to perform and look good, and the media is constantly telling your kids that there are things they deserve to have or simply must have. Some days, it feels like you are swimming upstream as a parent.
If you are determined and committed to fighting entitlement, here are some things to help you in that battle:
“I am Responsible.”
Fighting entitlement starts with shifting the narrative from “I deserve” to “I am responsible.” Teach your kids to be responsible, even without a reward. Save rewards for bigger things and teach responsibility in the mundane things like brushing their teeth or doing their homework. This goes side-by-side in teaching them accountability.
Contribute.
Require your kids to contribute to the household. You are not their personal slave or ATM machine. Give chores and teach them that life involves work. They live there, so they can help. It’s not a job, it’s being part of a family.
Say No.
Although I tell parents to save NO for important things and to be open to saying yes more often, there are times when NO is the only responsible and appropriate answer for your child. Giving in to your child all the time reinforces the idea that they should always get what they want. Explain to them why they cannot always do or get what they want in a particular situation.
Stop Rescuing.
Let your kids work through hard things. Problem-solving helps them build resilience and works against entitlement. Every time you shield your child from a struggle, you risk raising them to believe the world owes them comfort.
Make Gratitude a Lifestyle.
Books have been written about how to live with gratitude, so if you struggle with this, I suggest you do some research and find one. But the bottom line is that you are training your heart and mind to focus on what’s good, even when life is hard.
The training may look like starting each day with grateful thoughts, keeping a gratitude journal, expressing appreciation to people, and not comparing yourself with others. Shifting to a gratitude mindset takes work, but if it starts with you, then your kids are likely to eventually catch it too. As some wise anonymous person once said: “If we don’t teach our children to be grateful for what they have, they will grow up believing they deserve everything they want.”
Be committed to fighting the disease of entitlement. Be intentional, make a plan if it helps you. Your kids’ teachers, coaches, employers and future spouses will thank you.
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