Getting uncomfortable can grow a person and teach resilience. But it is one thing that parents often shy away from when it comes to letting their kids experience it.

I don’t pay attention to a lot of things that pro athletes say. And quite honestly, I’m not a big fan of Tom Brady, but he is spot on in what he has to say about kids and parents in youth sports. Brady, a father of three supports the idea of letting your kids fail, even though that’s no longer the norm in today’s parenting trends.

He claims there is value in an athlete feeling uncomfortable: Few young athletes these days are forced beyond their comfort zones, he said. “They’re told they’re great; people coddle them; they never have to push beyond their limits. Even some of the best athletes in the world never have to go outside their comfort zone.”

He even goes so far as to say that parents today are screwing their kids up: “Every time they mess up, we send them to an easier place to succeed.”

It’s hard to watch your kids be uncomfortable. It’s hard to watch them struggle, whether they ultimately succeed or not. Today’s trend towards gentle parenting mistakes gentleness as making things easier for kids. Making things easier for your kids is NOT the gentle thing to do. It is the damaging thing to do because making things easier means your kids miss out on the chance to grow emotionally, mentally, and physically stronger.

Don’t be afraid to let your kids feel uncomfortable. Let them try out for a harder team or work hard in the weightroom. When they come to you and say they want to try out for the musical play at school when it’s something they’ve never attempted before, support them. Don’t discourage them from trying something because it’s hard or because there’s a chance they may not succeed.

If you encourage your child to only stay in a comfortable zone, they will not grow. Comfort zones are different for every person. What does it mean for your child?

• playing on a team where they are the star and may not be pushed
• playing for a coach who they know favors them
• ignoring kids outside of their little group
• watching activities from afar because they are afraid to participate
• not attending a camp or event because they are shy

Helping your child become uncomfortable means helping them face fears and push through them. It does not mean, however, pushing your child to do something that feels unsafe or utterly terrifying to them. Stretching your child does not mean stretching them until they snap in two, it means gently stretching them little by little so that they become stronger and more flexible.

Although there’s something to be said for the pushing-them-off-the-deep-end approach, it is not effective in all situations. As a parent, you know your child–their strengths, weakness, fears, and capabilities. Let those factors guide you as you encourage your kids to be uncomfortable. They may never learn to push themselves until they realize that gentle pushing from you is not so scary after all, and just may open up new adventures for them.

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