It’s normal for parents–I would say especially dads–to have an overwhelming sense of protection for their daughters and dating. Many joke that they won’t let their girls date until they are 30, but they know that it is really just around the corner and it scares them. Dads remember what they were like as teenage boys and moms remember their teenage dating woes.

Parents are always afraid that their kids are going to repeat their mistakes, so they tend to compensate by OVER compensating. They don’t trust their daughters, or the more specifically the boys they go out with, because they remember what it was like to be a teenager. This is normal, but unfortunately it does not help your teen learn how to manage their relationships, their personal standards, and their hormones.

Let’s establish some facts about Teen Dating:

1. Your child is not YOU.
2. There’s no magic age to start dating.
3. Aside from in-person flirting, social media is the most common way teens express interest in someone they have a crush on. 
4. Texting is by far the most frequent way teens stay connected with their romantic partner. About 1/5 of teens surveyed interacted daily with their romantic partner in person. 
5. Approximately one in five adolescents report being a victim of emotional abuse.
6. Approximately one in five high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
7. Many instances of teen dating abuse occur in the home of one of the teens.
8. Teen relationships often don’t stand the test of time because it takes work to make a healthy relationship stick, especially after the initial attraction fades. According to Assistant Professor Kate Fogarty, the average romantic relationship span for a 12- to 14-year-old is five months. 15- to 16-year-old teenagers often stay together for two years or longer. teenagers 16 years old to 18 years old have relationships that last 1.8 years.

These facts are not meant to scare you or cause you to lock your child up until they are ready to move out. They are meant to help you enter into this season with your eyes wide open. Be prepared and don’t let this phase sneak up on you. Prepare yourself and your daughter:

Teach her values and self-worth. Help her understand that she deserves kindness, honesty and respect in any relationship. Reinforce that her worth is not defined by what someone else thinks of her. Talk about standards and help her decide before she even goes on a date what those standards are.

Work on Open Communication. Make sure your daughter feels comfortable talking to you about crushes, questions or problems, without fear of judgement or teasing. This is a great opportunity for parents to ask more and lecture less. If your daughter makes mistakes or hides something, respond with empathy before correction; this will help keep the trust in your relationship.

Teach boundaries and consent. Your daughter needs to know that NO is a boundary that no one should cross. True respect means listening to boundaries. Talk through situations where she might feel pushed into something she is not comfortable with. Encourage her to continue to have separate interests and friends. Getting entirely wrapped up in one person as a teen is not healthy and actually means your daughter may miss out on a lot.

Monitor digital safety. Teach her not to share intimate photos or private information online. Talk about how online images and posts can create unrealistic expectations or affect her reputation. There’s a lot of creeps out there just waiting to connect with some vulnerable young girl.

Set clear, age-appropriate rules. For example: groups dates first, curfews, and always letting you know where she is. Talk about why those rules exist: you are not trying to ruin her life, you simply want to keep her safe.

Help her see the importance of red flags. Encourage her to pay attention to discomfort if something feels wrong. Let her know that she can always call or text you to get out of a situation.

What gets in our way of you talking to your daughter about dating, values and romantic relationships? Perhaps it’s fear that your child won’t talk or fear that you will say the wrong thing. This is such an important part of a child’s growth and development. Don’t let the years slip by without having the conversations. If you’d like help, please schedule a call here.