Your children are very sensitive to your moods and to your emotional availability. When parents are dealing with stressful situations, such as a move, job problems, grief, money tensions, or health issues, it’s hard to not let that stress seep into your parenting.
If your child senses stress in the home, they may experience increased anxiety or worry. They may be more irritable or emotional. They may experience feelings of insecurity or instability and seem sad or withdrawn.
Young children especially tend to “absorb” tension in the home even when they do not fully understand its cause.
When you are stressed, it changes how you respond to your children. You can become impatient, reactive, less consistent with rules and routines, emotionally unavailable and even more likely to be harsh in your discipline.
In turn, your child may respond with aggression, defiance, tantrums, trouble following directions and in older kids, risky adolescent behavior. Kids in school may have difficulty focusing, reduced motivation and as a result their grades may suffer.
Your child may also have sleep problems, stomach or head aches, and appetite changes.
This information should not make you feel guilty as a parent. I do not say all of this to shame any parent. I simply want you to be aware of the reason for behavioral changes you are seeing. Maybe your child is wetting the bed again, sucking their thumb more or getting up at night again. If you’re experiencing stress, these changes could be a reaction to that.
Stress happens in life and cannot usually be avoided. Children are not damaged because a parent feels stressed. What maters most is whether the stress is constant, whether you can manage it, and most of all whether your child still feels loved and safe. You can be stressed and still provide strong emotional support for your child.
How do you keep your child from feeling the affects of your stress?
- Give them a stable routine
- Be open in your communication
- Get support from extended family/community
- Repair and apologize after your mistakes (“I was frustrated earlier and I’m sorry I snapped.”
- Give your kids lots of love
- Keep connecting, even in small ways: reading together, predictable meals, and listening can significantly reduce stress effects.
My son and his family recently went through a very stressful two-week period of selling a home, packing, moving, and getting renovations done–all under a deadline. I could see the stress in their faces and although we did step in to help, the stress was still theirs to carry. However, I saw them strive to keep things steady for their two small boys and do their best to not let the stress take it’s tole in their home.
Let’s face the truth: you will face stress as a parent, but you do not have to let that stress be toxic air in youir home. If you struggle with parenting and need some help, please reach out to me at janis@rcfamilies.com.
