Winning is fun. Your kids love it, but when they play sports, there is always a winner and a loser. No doubt, they will face a lot of losses in their lifetime. But my kids showed me many times as they were growing up that even in losing, there can be victory.

My youngest daughter played sports growing up and through two years of college. After college, she began competing in crossfit and weightlifting. In her first weightlifting competition, she qualified to attend the state competition. Her dad and I drove the 3 hours to support her, even though she warned us that she probably wouldn’t place, and might even be at the bottom. As she predicted, she did not place, but she wasn’t at the bottom either.

There was no medal for her this go-round, yet there was most definitely victory in the experience. As I watched her prepare and work through it, I saw that there are ways to victory even when the scoreboard says it’s a loss. My daughter’s example re-affirmed what I observed as my kids grew up. Even when there’s no win on the scoreboard, there can be victory in these ways:

A fear is faced and conquered.

Often the victory is simply being brave enough to try.

My daughter was stepping into a fear when she decided to compete in weightlifting. It’s a very singular sport. You are facing judges and spectators all alone, no teammates to support you and make up for your weakness or error. And it was because she felt so afraid to do it that she knew she had to.

She may not have won a medal that weekend, but she was victorious because she faced her fear head-on and did not let it hold her back.

The process is respected.

Our daughter spent many hours preparing for the competition. She faced discouragement, encouragement and worked hard to improve.

Too many people grow impatient with the process. They want to skip over some of it and arrive at victory or success right away. But the process is needed. It’s there for a reason. It is only through the process that a person grows stronger and wiser. Trying to short circuit the process may seem to work, but it is a cheap and short-lived success.

Defeat becomes a learning experience.

No loss should be wasted. The person who examines the defeat and learns from it is actually experiencing victory in defeat. Defeat is a learning opportunity to find out what is lacking and why you lost. It’s often hard to live with yourself after you feel like you’ve messed up, but if you allow it, you learn and grow the most from the losses. Once you take a step back and see what you’re lacking, focus on it and work hard to take it to the next level.

If you are dealing with a challenge in your parenting and would like to talk, email me at janis@rcfamilies.com