There are some lies going around that parents are believing in this season of Covid-19.
In the easiest of times, when things are “normal,” parents often get sucked into believing things about themselves and their parenting that are not true. That happens because many of us are our own worst critics.
We may believe that we are doing a bad job at parenting or that we’re not doing enough for our kids. Those types of lies are sneaky. They tip-toe into your mind and it takes a major mindset change to get them out.
In these days of Covid-19, when parents are forced into homeschooling and parenting around the clock–a sort of hothouse of parenting–I’m pretty sure there are some other lies starting to sneak into the minds of parents. Let’s identify them and call them what they are—LIES.
Lie #1: I’m a terrible parent because I’m just not good at homeschooling and I’m hurting my kids because of it.
There’s no doubt that homeschooling families are the ones having the easiest adjustment in this time. But if this is all new to you, I want to tell you that it’s okay if you are not enjoying it or are finding it difficult.
When my kids were little, I made the choice to homeschool them for a few years and then I decided I’d had enough. I realized that homeschooling was not something I enjoyed and I wanted to just focus on being a mom, not a teacher.
For a little bit, after I put my kids back in school, I felt guilty because I couldn’t “cut it” as a homeschool teacher. But I soon realized that the most important thing was doing what was best for our family and our kids, not comparing myself to other homeschooling moms who were in it for the long haul.
My point is this: You may be a rock-star at homeschooling or you may be barely making it through each day with your sanity in tact–but the most important thing to remember either way is not how much your kids learned today or how much work they got accomplished. No, the most important thing is for them to reach the end of the day knowing they are loved, supported, and cared for. It’s awesome if learning happened in the midst of all that, but it’s also okay if it didn’t.
Your kids are not going to look back on this season and remember all the amazing things they learned through homeschooling. But they will remember how you made them feel. Down the road, Covid-19 may evoke feelings of distaste, fear, or discomfort in your kids, or it can stir up feelings of warmth and connection because your kids felt close as your family navigated the uncertainty together.
The schooling, the academics–they will work themselves out when your kids return to school next year. Don’t let this lie weigh you down and distract you from getting the most of this time with your kids.
Lie #2: I’m a terrible parent because I can’t handle my kids being around all the time and it’s way too easy for me to get irritated with them.
First of all, I don’t think there’s ever been a parent in the history of the universe who never got irritated with their kids, even in the best of times. But stress makes parents even edgier, and add to that the cooped up life of quarantine and family life gets more difficult as irritations grow.
The problem is not that you get irritated with your kids. You are not a bad parent because you feel irritated. The problem is what you do with that irritation.
For starters, you can cut down on those feelings of irritation by giving yourself some breaks. Figure out a way to get some me-time at some point during your day or night. I know it’s not easy, but it’s important for your mental health.
Still, those moments of irritation will come and when they do, do whatever it takes to stop yourself from over-reacting: give yourself a time-out, take some deep breaths, count to 10–whatever works to keep you from saying or doing things that will damage your own peace of mind and hurt your kids.
You will still blow it, however, and when that happens, the best way to not buy into the lie that “I’m a terrible parent because I blew up at my kids” is to acknowledge your mistake, ask for forgiveness from your kids, and think of what you can do different next time.
How to Fight the Lies
This season is hard on every family member. Your kids are dealing with emotions and scenarios that they’ve never had to face before. You are being challenged as a parent like you never have.
Please don’t believe these lies. They will defeat you and leave you feeling guilt and regret. The best way to fight them is to answer them with truth.
Lie #1: I’m a terrible parent because I’m just not good at homeschooling and I’m hurting my kids because of it.
Truth to fight it: I am doing the best I can and the most important thing for my kids to learn in this season is that I love them, they are safe, and we will get through this as a family.
Lie #2: I’m a terrible parent because I can’t handle my kids being around all the time and it’s way too easy for me to get irritated with them.
Truth to fight it: I love my kids and recognize that it’s easy to get irritated in this intense season. They are not trying to irritate me; they are just being kids and expressing their own frustration. I will look for ways to not give in to feelings of irritation, and forgive myself when I do.
Parents, we will all get through this! Don’t let these lies suffocate your joy and burden you with guilt. Your kids don’t believe the lies; neither should you.
As you deal with the challenges of parenting during this Covid-19 season, please take a few minutes and watch this video of 3 Parenting Tools to Help You Parent in the Trenches of Covid-19.